For this gift I have received....

Life is the greatest gift I have ever received. To then it turn bring life into this world myself was quite the accomplishment. If we stop to realise how great this gift is that we receive and then pass on, it leads to a very interesting conversation. Many of us take it for granted that life keeps going on. But for some to pass on the gift is something they desire whole heartedley and yet are unable to do for whatever reason. In my experience. Most of those people would be excellent parents. Because they really do have the desoire to do right by any subsequent children. It seems unfair and sometimes even downright wrong that these people are excluded from having their own family.

And yet there are people out there who just have kids on a whim. Now I am not saying that people who have kids by accident are not fit to be parents, or even that people who decide in the heat of the moment to have a child won't be good parents. But it makes me wonder. How can creating life be so hard for some and so easy for others?

Recently the better half and I decide to postpone our baby making plans for a little longer. This was for a number of reasons, one of them being our fiancial situation. With our darling daughter we decided to have a child and that we would be fine financially and that after all people have children all the time and somehow manage to survive. But now with C's much bigger salary, I guess you could say we have become greedy for a better lifestyle. I love my daughter more than I will ever love anyone. How can I put her through a childhood where we have to scrimp and save for everything, when to wait just a little longer could mean a childhood in which both her and a younger sibling have a little more security?

Part of me is scared that if we wait we may never have another child, but the other part is kinda happy with that idea. After all I have L and she is everything I hoped she would be and so much more. I could never be disapointed with only her. The big thing that goes over and over in my head is what if I lose her? Or C? Or both of them? Then what? Start all over? I don't know that I could.

It seems so unfair that I can have more children and I am choosing to wait when there are people out there who want desperately to be parents and are unable. But on the flip side if I have a child it is still not going to help them.

To all the parents out there who want to be parents, all I can say is best of luck to you friends. I hope you get everything you deserve.

xxx