For this gift I have received....

Life is the greatest gift I have ever received. To then it turn bring life into this world myself was quite the accomplishment. If we stop to realise how great this gift is that we receive and then pass on, it leads to a very interesting conversation. Many of us take it for granted that life keeps going on. But for some to pass on the gift is something they desire whole heartedley and yet are unable to do for whatever reason. In my experience. Most of those people would be excellent parents. Because they really do have the desoire to do right by any subsequent children. It seems unfair and sometimes even downright wrong that these people are excluded from having their own family.

And yet there are people out there who just have kids on a whim. Now I am not saying that people who have kids by accident are not fit to be parents, or even that people who decide in the heat of the moment to have a child won't be good parents. But it makes me wonder. How can creating life be so hard for some and so easy for others?

Recently the better half and I decide to postpone our baby making plans for a little longer. This was for a number of reasons, one of them being our fiancial situation. With our darling daughter we decided to have a child and that we would be fine financially and that after all people have children all the time and somehow manage to survive. But now with C's much bigger salary, I guess you could say we have become greedy for a better lifestyle. I love my daughter more than I will ever love anyone. How can I put her through a childhood where we have to scrimp and save for everything, when to wait just a little longer could mean a childhood in which both her and a younger sibling have a little more security?

Part of me is scared that if we wait we may never have another child, but the other part is kinda happy with that idea. After all I have L and she is everything I hoped she would be and so much more. I could never be disapointed with only her. The big thing that goes over and over in my head is what if I lose her? Or C? Or both of them? Then what? Start all over? I don't know that I could.

It seems so unfair that I can have more children and I am choosing to wait when there are people out there who want desperately to be parents and are unable. But on the flip side if I have a child it is still not going to help them.

To all the parents out there who want to be parents, all I can say is best of luck to you friends. I hope you get everything you deserve.

xxx

Siblings

When I was growing up I had 2 younger brothers and a younger sister.My big little brother (this is what i have always called him) is a wonderful man. He is loving, affectionate, intelligent and a hard worker, But he is extremely opinionated and has a very short memory. He is quick to judge and very stubborn. This means if you stuff up he is not likely to let you forget it anytime soon and will not hold back in letting you know exactly what you did wrong. I love him to peices but he is quick to forget the mistakes he has made and would rather make me feel guilty about the ones I have made that let me bring up the ones he has made. For a while there we had a very close and loving relationship. But errors on boths sides has left us not even talking to each other at the moment. I love him very much and I think maybe the reason he is able to hurt me so much is because I partly agree with him in the mistakes I have made and I am furious that he is unable to admit his part in those mistakes.My other brother is a very quiet, smart, loving and sensitive. He is my brother, I love him, he loves me but we are very different people and we have very different lives. So when we see each other we talk for hours and spend lots of good quality time together but this only happens about twice a year. He has an old soul and is always humble and forgives easily. He is by no means a doormat but always willing to give other people (especially family) a chance to explain. He doesn't judge the way people live there lives. I think thats why I always look forward to seeing him.I wish I saw more of him or even just talked on the phone more often.
My younger sister is beautiful, incredibly intelligent, a social butterfly and very fickle. To her all that matters is today.Of course she has made plans for her future and with Dad being sick she is quick to give things up to be with him and help mum out which I am so proud of her for doing. She and I have a weird relationship. I wasn't around much when she was growing up so it is only in the last couple of years that we have really gotten close. As much as you can with a 15 year old who worries you will do something to embarrass her . But she is so much fun and I am only just starting to scratch the surface on the kind of person she is. I guess it is harder for me to describe her personality, but I do know when I am with her she makes me feel young and funny and fun to be with and that's why I love spending time with her.
Recently I have found out that I have two other half brothers and two step brothers. I love them all but because I have not grown up with them I do not know much about them. But I like to be around them. It's fun discovering how much we have in common.
I think now my siblings are starting to shape the person I am more than when I was younger. I am picking up parts of their personality. My sister makes me want to be more fun and both my brothers make me wanna be more tolerant and as for the new brothers who knows how they will shape the person I become?