Life is the greatest gift I have ever received. To then it turn bring life into this world myself was quite the accomplishment. If we stop to realise how great this gift is that we receive and then pass on, it leads to a very interesting conversation. Many of us take it for granted that life keeps going on. But for some to pass on the gift is something they desire whole heartedley and yet are unable to do for whatever reason. In my experience. Most of those people would be excellent parents. Because they really do have the desoire to do right by any subsequent children. It seems unfair and sometimes even downright wrong that these people are excluded from having their own family.
And yet there are people out there who just have kids on a whim. Now I am not saying that people who have kids by accident are not fit to be parents, or even that people who decide in the heat of the moment to have a child won't be good parents. But it makes me wonder. How can creating life be so hard for some and so easy for others?
Recently the better half and I decide to postpone our baby making plans for a little longer. This was for a number of reasons, one of them being our fiancial situation. With our darling daughter we decided to have a child and that we would be fine financially and that after all people have children all the time and somehow manage to survive. But now with C's much bigger salary, I guess you could say we have become greedy for a better lifestyle. I love my daughter more than I will ever love anyone. How can I put her through a childhood where we have to scrimp and save for everything, when to wait just a little longer could mean a childhood in which both her and a younger sibling have a little more security?
Part of me is scared that if we wait we may never have another child, but the other part is kinda happy with that idea. After all I have L and she is everything I hoped she would be and so much more. I could never be disapointed with only her. The big thing that goes over and over in my head is what if I lose her? Or C? Or both of them? Then what? Start all over? I don't know that I could.
It seems so unfair that I can have more children and I am choosing to wait when there are people out there who want desperately to be parents and are unable. But on the flip side if I have a child it is still not going to help them.
To all the parents out there who want to be parents, all I can say is best of luck to you friends. I hope you get everything you deserve.
xxx
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Siblings
When I was growing up I had 2 younger brothers and a younger sister.My big little brother (this is what i have always called him) is a wonderful man. He is loving, affectionate, intelligent and a hard worker, But he is extremely opinionated and has a very short memory. He is quick to judge and very stubborn. This means if you stuff up he is not likely to let you forget it anytime soon and will not hold back in letting you know exactly what you did wrong. I love him to peices but he is quick to forget the mistakes he has made and would rather make me feel guilty about the ones I have made that let me bring up the ones he has made. For a while there we had a very close and loving relationship. But errors on boths sides has left us not even talking to each other at the moment. I love him very much and I think maybe the reason he is able to hurt me so much is because I partly agree with him in the mistakes I have made and I am furious that he is unable to admit his part in those mistakes.My other brother is a very quiet, smart, loving and sensitive. He is my brother, I love him, he loves me but we are very different people and we have very different lives. So when we see each other we talk for hours and spend lots of good quality time together but this only happens about twice a year. He has an old soul and is always humble and forgives easily. He is by no means a doormat but always willing to give other people (especially family) a chance to explain. He doesn't judge the way people live there lives. I think thats why I always look forward to seeing him.I wish I saw more of him or even just talked on the phone more often.
My younger sister is beautiful, incredibly intelligent, a social butterfly and very fickle. To her all that matters is today.Of course she has made plans for her future and with Dad being sick she is quick to give things up to be with him and help mum out which I am so proud of her for doing. She and I have a weird relationship. I wasn't around much when she was growing up so it is only in the last couple of years that we have really gotten close. As much as you can with a 15 year old who worries you will do something to embarrass her . But she is so much fun and I am only just starting to scratch the surface on the kind of person she is. I guess it is harder for me to describe her personality, but I do know when I am with her she makes me feel young and funny and fun to be with and that's why I love spending time with her.
Recently I have found out that I have two other half brothers and two step brothers. I love them all but because I have not grown up with them I do not know much about them. But I like to be around them. It's fun discovering how much we have in common.
I think now my siblings are starting to shape the person I am more than when I was younger. I am picking up parts of their personality. My sister makes me want to be more fun and both my brothers make me wanna be more tolerant and as for the new brothers who knows how they will shape the person I become?
My younger sister is beautiful, incredibly intelligent, a social butterfly and very fickle. To her all that matters is today.Of course she has made plans for her future and with Dad being sick she is quick to give things up to be with him and help mum out which I am so proud of her for doing. She and I have a weird relationship. I wasn't around much when she was growing up so it is only in the last couple of years that we have really gotten close. As much as you can with a 15 year old who worries you will do something to embarrass her . But she is so much fun and I am only just starting to scratch the surface on the kind of person she is. I guess it is harder for me to describe her personality, but I do know when I am with her she makes me feel young and funny and fun to be with and that's why I love spending time with her.
Recently I have found out that I have two other half brothers and two step brothers. I love them all but because I have not grown up with them I do not know much about them. But I like to be around them. It's fun discovering how much we have in common.
I think now my siblings are starting to shape the person I am more than when I was younger. I am picking up parts of their personality. My sister makes me want to be more fun and both my brothers make me wanna be more tolerant and as for the new brothers who knows how they will shape the person I become?
Monday, May 19, 2008
The "C" Word
The "C" Word Current mood: talkative Category: Life
It is inevitable that one of us knows someone who had cancer or have had cancer ourselves. It's a sad fact of modern life.
As some of you may know and some of you will definetly know my Dad has cancer. He has been undergoing treatment for the last couple of months and as a result has been very sick.
Since we moved into our new house he has been living with us. Clinton and I have given up our bed for him to sleep in so that he will be more comfortable. With Lily around he is unlikely to get much sleep on the futon in the lounge. We looked around for a spare bed but I was a bit fussy and couldn't find one that would be good enough for my dear Dadda. So we gave up our bed. And you know that actually suprises some people. I don't get it myself. I want him to be comfortable because he is so tired and needs as much rest as he can get.
But that is not the only thing that surprises me. On the odd occasion that I am talking to someone about him the get all funny. I think the "c" word upsets some people. I don't think they feel comfortable talking about it. Almost like the other "c" word. It seems to be pretty much Tabboo for some people.
A while go it wouldn't have bothered me. But now I wonder why this makes people so uncomfortable. I sit because we associate cancer with death? I think that idea is a little old. I mean, plenty of people survive cancer these days. I know of at least 4 people who have had cancer and gone on to live normal lives. Of course there is always the chance it could come back. To be completely honest it is the treatment that makes people think of death. Majority of people who have cancer treatments look fairly sick. They get skinny, their eyes seem to sink into their head and there pallor seems to turn an unusual shade of grey. I know everytime I look at my Dadda I see a poor reflection of the man that I know and love. But I don't feel like he is cancer. He has cancer he is having treatment and at times he is pretty sick. But he is dealing with it like a trooper and like he has always dealt with any other hard time in his life. With a quiet determination. I admire that his dignity and his humble nature have perservered through a time that I myself find hard to deal with. It's not happening to me. I merely affected by it because my beloved Dadda has to go through some much pain and sickness to be better again. To rid him self of a terrible poison. But he never complains. For sure he tells me when he feels sick or tired or both, but never that he hates what is happening to him and I admire him for that. If it were me going through it I am not sure I could be so brave.
Nobody like to talk about Cancer. But maybe it is such a hard thing for people to talk about because it is so untalked about.
Well thats my thoughts on the matter. I would love to chat to anyone who has been in a similar situation or if someone just needs to talk, please just e-mail me. Maybe we can get the ball rolling and help people face cancer head on.
It is inevitable that one of us knows someone who had cancer or have had cancer ourselves. It's a sad fact of modern life.
As some of you may know and some of you will definetly know my Dad has cancer. He has been undergoing treatment for the last couple of months and as a result has been very sick.
Since we moved into our new house he has been living with us. Clinton and I have given up our bed for him to sleep in so that he will be more comfortable. With Lily around he is unlikely to get much sleep on the futon in the lounge. We looked around for a spare bed but I was a bit fussy and couldn't find one that would be good enough for my dear Dadda. So we gave up our bed. And you know that actually suprises some people. I don't get it myself. I want him to be comfortable because he is so tired and needs as much rest as he can get.
But that is not the only thing that surprises me. On the odd occasion that I am talking to someone about him the get all funny. I think the "c" word upsets some people. I don't think they feel comfortable talking about it. Almost like the other "c" word. It seems to be pretty much Tabboo for some people.
A while go it wouldn't have bothered me. But now I wonder why this makes people so uncomfortable. I sit because we associate cancer with death? I think that idea is a little old. I mean, plenty of people survive cancer these days. I know of at least 4 people who have had cancer and gone on to live normal lives. Of course there is always the chance it could come back. To be completely honest it is the treatment that makes people think of death. Majority of people who have cancer treatments look fairly sick. They get skinny, their eyes seem to sink into their head and there pallor seems to turn an unusual shade of grey. I know everytime I look at my Dadda I see a poor reflection of the man that I know and love. But I don't feel like he is cancer. He has cancer he is having treatment and at times he is pretty sick. But he is dealing with it like a trooper and like he has always dealt with any other hard time in his life. With a quiet determination. I admire that his dignity and his humble nature have perservered through a time that I myself find hard to deal with. It's not happening to me. I merely affected by it because my beloved Dadda has to go through some much pain and sickness to be better again. To rid him self of a terrible poison. But he never complains. For sure he tells me when he feels sick or tired or both, but never that he hates what is happening to him and I admire him for that. If it were me going through it I am not sure I could be so brave.
Nobody like to talk about Cancer. But maybe it is such a hard thing for people to talk about because it is so untalked about.
Well thats my thoughts on the matter. I would love to chat to anyone who has been in a similar situation or if someone just needs to talk, please just e-mail me. Maybe we can get the ball rolling and help people face cancer head on.
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